I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.
— Gandhi

What we intend and hope for when we speak, our level of discipline and discernment, the words we choose, how we interpret what others say, the scope of our vision, our degree of awareness and sensitivity vis-a-vis the relating landscape and the myriad of connecting threads, and finally all that is potentially at stake - each of these has profound impact on our relationships and wellbeing.

Choose true or false as each applies to you.

true false When I communicate with others, I exercise care and discernment with respect to my choice of words, recognizing they will affect the quality of exchange
true false I experience healthy levels of ease and openness in both my personal and professional relationships
true false I hold myself to a high standard when engaged in challenging exchanges with others
true false I monitor my tone of voice and body language recognizing that they play a significant role in how I am received
true false I am clear, direct and respectful about my intentions and motives when I speak; I refrain from the use of sarcasm or passive aggressive tactics
true false I have access to my feelings; I am willing to reveal my vulnerability and don't perceive it as a sign of weakness
true false Others are willing to speak openly and reveal their vulnerability in my presence trusting they will be heard
true false I recognize the danger in making evaluations of others and so I take the time to slow down in heated moments to speak in clear descriptive terms of what I see and hear rather than evaluative ones.
true false I am open to exploring the "bigger picture" even when doing so challenges my personal beliefs
true false When I request cooperation from others, I am genuinely open to hearing their objections and exploring different options including amending my request
true false I am attentive to context and make every effort not to generate confusion by making reference to previous events or conversations that are out of context
true false When I say "no" to someone's request, I let them know what prevents me from saying yes while leaving the door open for further dialogue
true false I recognize that when people truly make room for each other to be heard, what emerges typically transcends "positionality" and opens the door to shared mutual understanding
true false I recognize the importance of goodwill between people and I take the necessary steps to restore it when it shows signs of being compromised
true false I am able to transform my anger into a positive force that ultimately serves life
true false I view conflict as an opportunity to better understand myself and others as well as an opportunity to stretch beyond my comfort zone into new possibilities
true false I am appreciably skilled at holding the space for honest and authentic conversation with others
true false I resist taking what others say about me personally but nor do I reject their evaluations of me as unfounded
true false In conflict situations, I use language that is clear and objective and refrain from using language that blames, attacks, discredits, ridicules or belittles
true false I am able to track when defensiveness and reactivity arise in myself and/or others and take steps to diffuse them
true false I don't rely on coercive tactics such as guilt, punishment or reward to motivate others but rather by bringing to light the intrinsic merit of doing things that serve life in an interdependent world
true false When others are speaking, I focus primarily on what they're saying and not on what I will say next
true false When others are in pain or distress, I am able to listen to them without rushing to solution
true false I am willing to step into another person's shoes and be moved by their pain and suffering
true false I am willing to assert myself in difficult/awkard situations where integrity, fairness and virtue are at stake
true false I take responsibility for my behaviour and am willing to admit and mourn when I have hurt another
true false When I make mistakes, I don't berate myself but nor do I make excuses - instead I learn from my errors and reflect on how I might speak or behave differently in future
true false When people do things that benefit me, I am generous in my expressions of appreciation and gratitude so that people are generally well aware of how their actions contribute to my welfare
true false When I engage people with questions, I approach them with genuine openness, receptivity and desire to learn from them
true false I consistently work on cultivating a demeanour of warmth, openness, curiosity, generosity and goodwill in my exchanges


What's your score?  Every number above 0 represents a communication challenge. The higher the number, the more challenging relationships will be.  Working on your communication is an important step in improving relationships. Book a Private Session with me or Browse Events to register for a training.