Are you wishing you could better connect? Maybe with your spouse or partner? Your child or teenager? An aging parent? Someone at work? A dear friend or neighbour?
Hi, I’m Rachelle. So glad you’ve stopped by. Please think about your relationships for a moment.
The truth is relationships can be challenging. No matter how well you get along with someone, there will be rough spots. How you navigate those rough spots can make or break the relationship.
Here’s the number #1 thing people say when their relationships breakdown:
“We didn’t communicate well.”
That can easily be translated to: “We didn’t have the skills to effectively deal with conflict.”
When it comes to conflict, most of us have been taught to engage in a way that actually decreases the likelihood of connection and mutual understanding. And we often say damaging things in the heat of the moment that we later regret.
We’re masters at blaming and putting each other down. “You don’t care about me! You’re selfish! You’re irresponsible!” We say it out loud or quietly to ourselves under a veneer of resentment.
It doesn’t have to be that way. You can learn to speak and listen in a way that clarifies what’s going on, focuses on what’s truly at stake and supports respectful dialogue.
Nonviolent Communication (NVC) is a powerful process that helps people speak and listen from a more grounded, authentic and wise place. It helps them become less reactive and punitive while becoming more resourced and discerning.
The process is simple and yet it’s also hard to put into regular practice given how reflexively we resort to our habitual ways when we believe ourselves to be under threat. It happens so fast! It takes training and conscious effort to break patterns.
In my work I meet people who are desperate to learn how to communicate more skillfully in order to save a relationship. Often times though, too many hurtful things have been said and the skill required to repair the relationship far exceeds what people can learn in a few consultations. I wish that as a culture we placed greater emphasis on teaching and learning the ‘soft’ skills that are essential to maintaining healthy and satisfying relationships.
Unfortunately more money is spent on lawyer’s fees than on learning conflict resolution skills. It’s expensive. And the cost not only accrues to us financially, but also to our personal self-esteem, our beloved children and to society at large.
Discovering Nonviolent Communication 20 years ago was one of the most profound things that ever happened to me. It was an absolute game changer. And since that encounter I have devoted myself to teaching NVC to others.
Don’t be misled by the word ‘nonviolent’. It doesn’t necessarily mean abusive although it includes it. It refers mainly to all the normalized and unhealthy ways of living and being that tragically disconnect us from life, ourselves and each other. And these days we are swimming in dysfunction! To practice NVC is to ask big questions and closely examine what is regularly sanctioned by the status quo. It’s crucial that we don’t miss this step!
The truth is I don’t know how things are in your life. Maybe you don’t need what I’m offering. Hopefully you don’t. Hopefully your relationships are thriving and you know how to address challenges as they arise. If so, count yourself fortunate.
But maybe it’s not the case and you’re struggling. Or maybe your relationships are satisfying but one important relationship is stressing you out. Maybe you’ve reached a crossroads or impasse. Maybe you’re at loggerheads with someone at home or at work. Maybe you’re disillusioned with relationships altogether. Or maybe you don’t know how to get through to someone you love and you fear the growing divide between you whenever you try to address it. Maybe you’re tired of feeling angry, sad or alone. Or you’re tired of not speaking up.
Does any of this sound familiar to you?
If what I’m saying speaks to you then you might be ready for the next step. How about taking action and working with me? It doesn’t matter where you live .. my coaching sessions are done online so you can be in the comfort of your own home or office as we explore your situation. Or perhaps you might want to attend one of my upcoming trainings?
Individual and Couples Coaching
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Upcoming Trainings:
The most inspiring and relevant interpersonal communication course I’ve attended!
—LM, Team Leader