"Our repertoire of words for calling people names is often larger than our vocabulary of words that allow us to clearly describe our emotional states" says Rosenberg. Emotions typically run high in conflict situations and when people don't have the language to articulate their feelings and what fuels them with accuracy and precision, which they often don't, it's like being on a stormy sea with no one at the helm; people get tossed about on the waves, sails get ripped and the relation-ship runs aground in a hurtful place that is a long shot from where it could have landed. Once people have developed the skill of clearly articulating their experience rooted in a consciousness that holds reverence for all of life .. while at the same time maintaining a vigilant alertness to the modes of thinking and speaking that create roadblocks to honest and fruitful dialogue, conflict then becomes much easier and more satisfying to navigate.
Without trust, anything that people attempt to achieve together will fail or at least be poorly executed. The mark of good teamwork is the ever deepening awareness of how each and every move, even when barely perceptible, has a decidedly profound impact on the other and therefore equally on ourselves and the relationship as a whole. In high performance teamwork and marriages, there is great attention to detail, to movement, to response-ability, to the shifting of weight, to what comes next in the unfolding sequence .. each of these must be intelligently considered and respectfully held. In these relationships we find a kind of attunement to the other person and to the relationship itself as well as to what they would ultimately like to achieve. Agreements and promises must be kept because without them, the form crumbles .. it cannot be maintained without the bedrock of trust.
Mature love does not discriminate against feeling .. it grants entry to the full astonishing bandwidth, saying yes to the mayhem and the labour. Love holds us accountable .. it says .. don't expect me to do all the work for you .. don't mistake me for merely a sweet heavenly blissful feeling .. I'm so much more .. I'm robust, I'm strong, I've got teeth, I love hard work and I love the impossible. Show me what you've got and together we'll make something worthy of being talked about and remembered. Now let's get to work!